‘Are we dating the same guy?’ These women-run groups are accused of being toxic, but they carry a feminist legacy

By Natasha Szuhan, Australian National University

In 2022, a social network was formed in New York for women to share warnings about their interactions with men on dating apps. These were men who had allegedly lied, manipulated, cheated on, ghosted, used or abused them.

Since then, “Are we dating the same guy?” (AWDTSG) groups have exploded online across Facebook and other social platforms, attracting anywhere from hundreds to more than 150,000 members depending on the city they serve.

These groups are trying to improve women’s online safety where dating app developers are failing. In doing so, they’re tapping into a long history of feminist initiatives aimed at protecting women from allegedly hostile or predatory men.

How it works

Globally, millions of women gather in AWDTSG groups. The majority of these private digital spaces are explicit about their intent. The first group to emerge had the unofficial motto: “it’s about protecting women, not judging men”. This has been widely adopted by offshoots.

Posts follow two main themes: unprompted “red flag” warnings about men women have dated, and prompts for “tea or red flags” about potential dates. The men in these posts are identified by name and location, and at least one dating profile screenshot.

Posts can be made anonymously so women don’t risk retaliation, but are vetted by moderators to ensure they comply with group rules.

Safety is never guaranteed

Online dating apps are often framed as a necessary evil in the 2020s. They conform to the same conventions as early chatrooms such as AOL, MSN Messenger and IRC (internet relay chat), and digital classifieds such as Craigslist and Gumtree.

These sites enabled random connections with strangers without any vetting; the onus of safety was on the user. They have become the source of both heartwarming success stories, as well as tales of murder and revenge rape offences.

https://twitter.com/Morbidful/status/1679123692268187649?t=-MUEJ2rPG0U2tYEnc0Jwng&s=19

Dating app developers admit there are safety risks inherent to their business model – and they’ve yet to adequately address them.

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