This Easter season, I am grateful for Jesus Christ who conquered death that we might have eternal life.

By Holly Richardson

Do you find yourself thinking about death? For the last year or more, I have been thinking about it daily. Not in an existential dread kind of way, but more in the “what would happen if I died” kind of way. I thought a lot about the logistics of running our home, helping our adult children with disabilities, helping our 9-year-old and even funeral planning if I or my husband and I died. I thought it was because, at age 59, I’m getting older and that’s what older people do.

And then I almost died.

It’s weird to write those words, but weirder still to have been hit suddenly by a serious medical crisis that could have taken my life.

On Saturday, March 2, I had been dizzy all day, so I rested in bed until the dizziness caused overwhelming nausea. I began to vomit blood — copious amounts of it. Turns out at least one of the two ulcers I didn’t know I had opened a vein and began dumping blood into my stomach. I ended up flat on my bathroom floor, with all color and all muscle tone gone from my body. I couldn’t even open my eyes. Probably through sheer force of will, I did not quite lose consciousness. I was afraid if I did, I wouldn’t wake up.

My daughter called 911, and while we waited I continued to vomit all over the floor. My husband was crying, my kids were crying, my daughter couldn’t find my blood pressure, and it was getting dicey so very quickly. I remember saying out loud “I’m not ready to die.” After an ambulance ride to the hospital, more vomiting, blood transfusions, multiple abdominal scopes and five days in an ICU, plus an additional one in a regular hospital room, I was able to come home. Recovery has been slower than I’d like, with more ups and downs than I had hoped.

Through it all, though, I have one overwhelming emotion.

https://www.deseret.com/opinion/2024/03/28/contemplating-death-at-easter/