Integrity Score 90
No Records Found
No Records Found
No Records Found
My mother thinks my gender expression is equal to clownery. I wonder how I would make her believe that it's not, it's something that genuinely makes me feel liberated, free, seen and heard.
It's so hard to make someone understand what gender dysphoria is and how it affects me. Since, we have lived in a world for so long that erased all kinds of identities except those that were considered "elite", no one understands or acknowledges the language and struggles that we as a marginalized community goes through.
So when it comes to dysphoria, I fear people would see it as something very trivial and brush it off, while the reality is that dysphoria is something that has enough ability to break my life.
So, everytime I talk about being dysphoric, I feel the need to explain what the term means and how it's a legitimate struggle that most trans people go through.
It's exhausting, because at this point, I have been explaining what is dysphoria millions of times without the conversation ever going beyond it.
People treat me as an offline google application, where they just feed in the most basic question of all and I reply to it as if I sure have not answered it a million times before to other millions of people.
It is boring to have the same conversation over and over and over again. But I guess that's what comes with living as a trans woman in a country which doesn't know what being transgender really means.
Yesterday, I went to buy myself a cute dress and the moment I entered the trial room, my worst fear started to take shape.
The lights at the trial rooms are quite strong, probably to highlight all the qualities of the dress you want to buy. But the issue here is that it also highlights all the features of myself that I don't want to see.
I look in the mirror and face someone that I know for sure is not the version I have in my mind of me. How do I explain this feeling of distinction?