I want to say that I'm really grateful that I got to play with boys and I wouldn't change it for the world. I thought it was awesome, and it got me to Harvard.

It definitely shapes my queer identity these days as well, and it makes sense in a whole, and in what my personality is and the way I play the sport as well.

A lot of people will say to me, "Oh, you play like a guy."

That's a backhanded compliment – I want to play like myself and in my gender and my identity. I don't want to be labeled as a dude.

At the same time, if someone tells you you're playing like a guide, that's usually a compliment, because it's means you’re robust, aggressive and strong.

It's empowering, but also restrictive. I faced a lot of gender inequities very early on that I didn't even know how to contextualize at the time.

Somehow I managed to just zone in onto what I was doing and got a lot of success with the national team. But it’s tough to justify your existence through these accolades and measurable standards. I try to think of it as character building, which is me laughing through the fact that it's kind of traumatic in a sense.

I was sticking out like a sore thumb with my ponytail, when everyone else had short hair. This culminated in me eventually cutting my hair short, because I was trying to fit in.

For a few weeks, I basically went undercover, and people didn't know straight off the bat that I was a girl as.

At the time, I was like, "Oh, I just cut my hair short, because I thought it looked cool."

No, I was assimilating and trying to be part of the crowd.

That's a lot to ask of a 13 year old, who clearly didn't know who she was at that point.

[As told to @Ragi Gupta — continued]