I used to play basketball for my satisfaction and for euphoria. But there were a number of other imposed binaries that used to make me feel really dysphoric – from the rules of the game to the jerseys we wore, they would make everything so binary.

Your gender assigned at birth would determine the ball you played with, the set of rules in the game, the jersey you wear.

The men’s team would wear a vest with half shorts. Whereas the women’s team wore a three-fourths long shirt and with shorts that were quite longer than the men's shorts.

I was like, "It's a sport. We have to wear similar jerseys. It’s one thing to change the color, but why are you changing the entire jersey?"

Until I was about 12-years-old, my family didn't put a lot of pressure on me to dress like this, walk like this, talk like this. There were transphobic situations, but they didn't impose a lot on me about having to live in a certain way.

It was in basketball that I realized "I am assigned female at birth. This is my place in society” and became aware of being perceived as a so-called secondary gender.

But I wouldn't blame the game for this, because the dysphoria, discrimination and sexism was coming from the people, not the game.

I played till nationals and I played for India. In grade 12, I got selected for the international team, but realized that I would be recognized as a basketball player who plays in the women's team. I couldn’t deal with the dysphoria that came with that. I completely shut off myself from the sport and stopped playing.

I really loved the game, I still do. Whenever I can, I get the ball and hit a court.

My relationship with the game was really good. I enjoyed playing whenever I used to play alone, even when I was in school. If someone else came along, I used to feel really very uncomfortable.

Even today, I don't play with anybody.

[As told to @Ragi Gupta — continued]