Most people think that there isn't a lot of lag in athletic abilities for trans people, but it was pretty profound for me. I had to relearn a lot of volleyball just because I couldn't just rely on athleticism anymore.

It's already so hard to exist outside of sports as a trans person navigating this society, that it's even more complicated when you add sports to it.

I hate the word ‘passing’, but it is a reality for trans people to be or feel safer when you pass. So, it's the mind gymnastics of, "Okay, I want to pass and I want to play my sport. I'm a competitive person. I don't like losing. But do people think I'm winning because I'm trans?"

At the beginning, I felt like I could never win because if I won, there'd be an asterisk next to my win, even though it's a team sport.

But at the same time, I don't want to just half-ass it. I don't want to not give my all because I'm worried that people are going to clock me, or people are gonna think that I'm only good because I'm trans.

The first time I played in a women's term I didn't want to stand out. It took me a while for me to get over that.

Before I transitioned, I always wanted to stand out. I always wanted to be the best. I wanted to be the loudest. I wanted to be the most out there.

After I transitioned, I wanted to almost sink into myself. I wanted to make myself smaller and I hated that.

I don't want ever want people to see that. People know me as this person who’s out there, who's loud and proud, and I've always wanted to be the person that I needed when I was growing up.

I don't want people to think that if you transition, you need to strip yourself in order to fit in.

[As told to @Ragi Gupta — continued: https://www.pixstory.com/story/degendersports-to-any-queer-kids-out-there-i-want-you-to-know-no-one-knows-you-like-you1679884712/202380]