1) Ask good questions.

Asking questions is an essential part of any good first date – but they have to be thoughtful, fun questions. Far too many first dates resemble painful job interviews. “What do you do?” “Do you enjoy that?” “Have you been on this dating app long?”

2) Don’t tell too many stories to impress.

Yes, you may have a great story about saving a man’s life in Portugal that you’re dying to tell. You may want to talk about how you acquired such a wealth of expertise on red wine. But talking too much about where you’ve travelled, or showing off what you’ve learned, is always secondary to how you’re making the other person feel.

Pay attention to what they’re saying. Are they comfortable? Are you cutting them off? Are you making them feel heard? A good listener is the rarest commodity to find on the dating market, so it’s best to hold back sometimes. She should feel like she can be herself with you: that’s what chemistry is all about.

3) Don’t get into an intellectual debate.

One of the most common mistakes men make on dates is confusing abrasiveness for banter. Say she voices a common opinion that you happen to disagree with. Don’t arch your eyebrow and challenge her to prove it! This isn’t a contest of wits, and you’re not a teacher asking her to justify her conclusion.

So often, these friendly debates leave women feeling exhausted. (There’s nothing sexy about feeling exhausted.) Don’t make her feel like she has to prove herself right. Instead of being drawn into an hour-long heated conversation about YouTube stars, simply divert the conversation into more productive channels. Ask her what the weirdest pet she ever wanted was. Talk about your go-to snacks that other people judge you for. There are a lot of fun, flirty, teasing conversations that you can have with your date that don’t create a low-key hostile vibe!